Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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