Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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