One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
