I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
