she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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