My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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