If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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