he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
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i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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