I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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