ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
