took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
