Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
