I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
