i think i have two assholes
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize