I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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