every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
