is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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