A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
