Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize