So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
