She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
