Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
