the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
