i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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