I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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