I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
