i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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