Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize