ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
