Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
