I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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