This girl is more easily done than said...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
