a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
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It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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