So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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