i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
