i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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