end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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