also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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