Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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