see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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