one two three fourrrrnication!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
not ubering you a puppy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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