If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
