There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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