I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
