i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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