come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
