Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
