I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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