if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
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