dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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