You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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