Im at strip club and am horny
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize