i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
