fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
