You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
