Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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