just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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