today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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