I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
