I smell stomach acid.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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