My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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