She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
