I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
