Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
