It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
