I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
