well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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