He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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