Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
