so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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