By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
