The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
