he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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