whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
