my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
