NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
