I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
